Well, damn. Maybe I will get an iPad

Wired has a review of Marvel's iPad app and it looks pretty sweet.


__--_

Awesome Cover Friday - Halloween Style!

Monster comics hit their peak in the 1970s. Marvel put out a ton of scary titles featuring Ghost Rider and various relatives of Satan. But since this is Halloween and this is a pop-culture blog I am bound by the Monster Squad Act of 1976 which states that at least one reference must be made per year to the iconic movie monsters Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, and The Werewolf.

Sweet! This one's got a giant spider and a dude in flashy RenFest garb! It really captures the combination of action-adventure and creepy horror that Marvel did so well.


Damn! Just...damn! This is one messed-up cover. I really want to know what's going on in this issue.

Also? My D&D character totally fought something like that and got a badass sword and, like, a billion experience points out of it.


Just in case you thought the movie monsters weren't part of the larger Marvel Universe, we have Silver Surfer throwing down with Dracula. I don't know what the vampire did to piss off Galactus's herald but he's gonna be sorry.

Marvel Adventures: Iron Man #2 - Marvel (2007)

And this one goes in my hold box. It's partly because Iron Man is one of my favorite comic-book characters ever. I'm not one of those people who thinks that Tony Stark's Civil-War/Illuminati characterization as a dickass has ZOMG! ruined the Marvel Universe forever!!!! but it has made me stop reading a character I used to look forward to seeing. As I said last month, Marvel has rebooted the character via their Marvel Adventures line and he's fun to read again.

Marvel Adventures is the anti-Ultimate Universe.

Fred Van Lente's story is simple and well told. Tony discovers that his main facility in China has shut down so he "sends Iron Man" to check it out. He finds out that (Oh, noes!) The Mandarin has stolen his workers to build nefarious devices for his eventual takeover of China.

Hell, yeah! I have loved The Mandarin ever since I read about his rings in the first Official Handbook to the Marvel Universe back in the day. This issue also has James Rhodes and Pepper Potts who mostly provide comic relief which fits well with the tone of the story.

My favorite part of this series is that the alerts that the Iron Man suit sends to Tony are superimposed on the panels. This effect looks cool, makes it feel like a neat techno-comic and allows for a different kind of storytelling.

Once again, James Cordeiro and Scott Koblish do a great job with the art. They've got a sort of Bagley-meets-Immonen vibe going which really jumps off the page.

And there's a cute Mini Marvels tale by Chris Giarruso at the end. All for the industry-mandated price of $2.99! What more could you ask for?

Avengers Classic #1 - Marvel (2007)

First off, check out the Art Adams cover. That is an awesome picture and it brings back many fond memories of my Avengers-reading career.

Now to the actual stories inside: I was disappointed. I've read the Avengers' Origin story many times so that was nothing new to me. It's interesting as a bit of history but as an origin story it's kinda lame. Even taking into account the state of comics writing at the time which had a different tone and aesthetic from what we're used to today, the actual reason for the formation of the team barely makes sense. The Defenders' origin was far more interesting and it's hard to beat the formation of the Fantastic Four.

The most interesting part is seeing the Hulk during his pre-GRAAH days. It's a reminder that a lot of Hulk's mythology came well after the creation of the character. Also, he's dressed as a clown for a few pages. Don't ask.

Jack Kirby's art would normally be worth the price of admission to me but his style hadn't yet been refined to what we think of as "Kirby!".

The two backup stories were the real disappointments. Dwayne McDuffie attempts a toungue-in-cheek tale of how the Avengers decided who their first chairman would be. It's not entertaining and Michael Avon Oeming's art doesn't help. The Hulk picks up the conference table at one point but I had to be told what he was doing two panels later. Oeming's paintings are nice but if the reader can't figure out what's going on maybe it's time to dial back the style and put a little more substance in there.

The next story has no visual problems at all. Kevin Maguire's art is the best thing about this issue. The writing by Stan Lee is OK but nothing to shell out four bucks for. Stan, looking like a Bwah-ha-ha-era Maxwell Lord, tells us the real origin story of the Avengers. It's cute and it's better than McDuffie's story but it still isn't particularly funny.

Summary: If you're already familiar with the Avengers' origin, save your money. Andy Schmidt and Mark Beazley's decision to go with humorous stories for this first issue was a poor one. There's a bit at the end where they talk about more character-driven backups in future issues. There's a great opportunity for some excellent comic-book tales here and I will keep my eyes open for future issues. The nature of the beast makes this title hit-or-miss, though, so I won't put it in my hold box. I'm glad for the reprints and I like the added value of the backup stories but I'm going to judge this one on a case-by-case basis.

Excelsior!

A Mess O' Reviews

World War Hulk #1 - Marvel (2007)

Lot's of smashing. Lots of yelling. Hulk vs. Black Bolt followed by Hulk vs. Iron Man. If you came here for explosions and fighting you're in the right place. Hulk's Warbound are cool. I'm already tired of Amadeus Cho. This one stays in my hold box.

Incredible Hulk #107 & Invincible Iron Man #19 - Marvel (2007)



I'm listing these together because they're effectively the SAME DAMN COMIC! Of the two, the Hulk issue has more story in it. The Iron Man issue tries to make Tony seem heroic again but it's too little too late. They're gonna have to reboot the entire character to make him something I want to read again. Too bad the Ultimate version isn't any better. Anyway, I'll pick up the next issue of Hulk but if it's just going to show us stuff that happened in WWH I'll save my money.

The Brave and the Bold #4 - DC (2007)



I was actually surprised to discover that this series is only up to issue 4. The first three issues had so much story crammed into them that I figured we were up to at least #6. The interactions between Supergirl and Lobo are worth the price of admission. We learn more about the maguffin everyone's chasing and we are left with a hell of a setup for next issue's Legion of Super-Heroes appearance. Also, George Pérez drawing Lobo! Out-freaking-standing! This is what I read comics for.

Black Summer #0 - Avatar (2007)



Warren Ellis has come up with a very good story about a superhero who kills the president and then says, "I've got fucking superpowers. Come and get me." The characters are good and the story is off to a great start. Unfortunately, I can't stand Juan Jose Ryp's art. There's no depth to it and there are these distracting, squiggly lines everywhere. I'll flip through issue #1 when it comes out but Ryp's art is what kept me from reading past the second issue of Wolfskin.

Dynamo 5 #4 - Image (2007)



This comic is about five people who discover that their real father is a superhero who just died. This makes for a bummer of a Fathers Day. The characters with adoptive fathers have just as awkward a time as the ones who grew up in orphanages. Jay Faerber and Mahmud A. Asrar turn in another excellent issue. This one is low key and well told.

Stormwatch Post Human Division #8 - Wildstorm (2007)



This one's another low-key issue. The PHD crew get some downtime in the form of a visit to Skywatch. The exposition is well done which makes this issue a good jumping-on point if you haven't read any of the previous issues. The character interactions are fun to read and each character gets a chance to shine. The PHD team are a bunch of badasses and this issue shows us why along with delving further into Stormwatch history. Also, the cliffhanger at the end has me waiting breathlessly for issue #9.

The Tick's 20th Anniversary Special Edition - New England Comics Press (2007)



The various installments in this Tick lovefest range from hilarious to incomprehensible. This is to be expected when over 30 creators are involved in a project. There are more hits than misses, though. If you are a fan of The Tick in any of his incarnations, check this out. The sweet cover by Simon Bisley is worth the price.

The Immortal Iron Fist #5 - Marvel (2007)

Wow!

Brubaker and Fraction are writing the hell out of this one. They have been expanding the legend of the Iron Fist and this issue blows that legend up like an A-bomb! Furious action combined with a cool backstory and fully-realized characters. Hell Yeah! This is what I read comics for.

Aja's art is spectacular, as well. Look at this:



The trade will be out in July. If you have ever enjoyed a kung-fu movie or a sword-and-sorcery novel check this out.

Runaways #25 - Marvel (2007)

If you're a fan of Joss Whedon's writing (as I am) you'll like this issue. If you're a fan of The Runaways (again, as I am) you'll like it, too. There's nothing Earth-shattering (or even senses-shattering) going on here but Whedon is off to a good, solid start. He gets the characters and their relationships and he gets what makes the various elements of the Marvel Universe work. New York is where all the other heroes and villains are so I'm looking forward to seeing where Whedon goes with this.

The art by Michael Ryan and Rick Ketchum is good and works well with the story but I really got used to Alphona and Yeung so it'll take a couple more issues before this feels like "The Runaways" to me. The new art team captures something about each of the characters I really like, though. I'm glad they're on this job.

I don't have much more to say about this issue without spoiling a couple of small surprises so I'll just close with a sample of the art:

Immortal Iron Fist #4 - Marvel (2007)

I have no problems with comics that make me think. I appreciate comics which make me sad. But the comics I love are the ones which are fun. The Immortal Iron Fist is fun with a captial "F". I've gone on and on about how much I like this title already so I won't repeat myself (much). I will, however, point out what I like about this issue.

Iron Fist is one of the first comic-book characters I really got into. I picked up an issue of Power Man and Iron Fist back in the '80s and I was hooked. That title was the first one I actively sought out back issues for. Check out some of my favorite covers. I thought the whole kung-fu thing was awesome and I really enjoyed learning about the mythology surrounding the legend of the Iron Fist. This new series by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction and David Aja expands that mythology and makes it even cooler.

Orson Randall, the dude who became The Iron Fist before Danny Rand, meets up with Danny this issue and they go kick ass together. Danny's like, "Who let the old dude dress up in my clothes?" and Orson's like, "Don't teach yer grandma to suck eggs, boy". I'm paraphrasing. Orson shows Danny what many years of practice can do for one who possesses the power of the Iron Fist and that's all you really need to know.

Lots of Hydra. Lots of action. Lots of great art and writing. Lots of fun. This is what I read comics for.

Click on the pictures below to embiggen them in new windows:

Heroes for Hire #8 - Marvel (2007)

The first six issues of Heroes for Hire were excellent. Palmiotti and Gray took a bunch of cool, sexy characters and made them cooler and sexier. They also wrote fun stories with just the right balance of heavy and light. No, I take that back. There was no balance. It leaned way over to the light side and threw in just enough heaviness to keep the thing from flying apart.

They even worked the Civil War shenanigans into the mix and it didn't crap up the whole title. That's a major achievement right there.

Zeb Wells wrote issue 8 and it's not my cup of kickass. It's got all the elements I like: Misty Knight, Coleen Wing, Shang Chi, a Doombot, and best of all, The Headmen. Unfortunately, these elements were not assembled correctly. It's like Wells was handed a jet engine, four rocket launchers and a 74 Mustang convertible and he turned them into a refrigerator.

Palmiotti and Gray had built up a "Tarantino-meets-Giffen & DeMatteis" thing that I was loving. Issue 8 took things in a darker direction which was an enormous speedbump. The characters had an established chemistry and clear personalities which were pretty much discarded in order to fit them into this ending. All-in-all a disappointing wrap-up to what had been a fun story.

Oh, and I don't like the cover.

Heroes for Hire #7 - Marvel (2007)

I'm gonna get all "reviewery" in a minute but first I want to say a couple of things:

DOOMBOT!

HEADMEN!

SHANG CHI!

If someone had asked me for a list of things I wanted to see in a comic book at the same time, well, I would have said Monica Rambeau, Machine Man and Boom Boom. But if someone had asked me what else I'd like to see in a comic book I would have listed the three things with the exclamation points above.

Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray are rapidly becoming my favorite writing team. They're doing Jonah Hex now, too. Seeing The Headmen at the end of issue #6 made me happier than anything in comics since Thor's unfettered might attack back in Secret Wars.

For those of you with social lives, The Headmen are evil science geniuses who are so evil and science-y that they have all replaced their bodies or heads with other things. Seriously. They consist of:

1. A woman with the body of a porn star and a head made out of one of those reflective balls people put in their gardens

2. Professor Gorilla-For-A-Body

3. Chondu The Mystic (who will put his head on anything)

4. A guy whose skeleton is too small for the rest of his body. OK, he didn't do anything with his head but that's because they couldn't figure out how to work with his little, tiny skull.

And these people are supposed to be intimidating. Well, I guess they are intimidating in an "I will do anything for world domination including cut off my own head" sort of way but they were just asking to be put in a humor title. Ellis was busy finding new, horrible things to do with MODOK so Gray & Palmiotti grabbed The Headmen and put them up against Humbug. Yes, the guy who can control roaches and stuff. This shit just writes itself!

There's another story involving Man-Ape, The Grim Reaper and Grindhouse which yielded the following line:

"We're villains...we don't roll over on each other like Captain America and Iron Man."

Ohh! Burn! Man-Ape vs. Mark Millar! Flawless Victory!

The art is nearly up to the writing on this issue. Alvaro Rio's pencils are spot on but the inking was better in #6. The credits list the inkers for #7 as "Tom Palmer & Terry Pallot" whereas #6 was inked by "Scott Koblish with Tom Palmer". There's some quality of the inking in this issue which is not as good as it was in the last; things look flatter. It didn't knock me out of the story or anything but I noticed it and it was a minor speedbump. The action scenes are well done and the "visual storytelling" (as the kids call it) is effective.

This one stays in my hold box. It's fun, cool and well done.

The Immortal Iron Fist #3 - Marvel (2007)

There were 1652 artists involved in this issue. OK, four but they sure do take up a lot of real estate on the credits page. David Aja, as the guy drawing the modern-day stuff, did the vast majority of the art. Travel Foreman, Derek Fridolfs and Russ Heath contributed some brief "Iron Fists of Yore" inserts. They're all good but Aja's work is outstanding. From close-ups to sweeping cityscapes, every panel of his is gorgeous and evocative. Helping out all the artists is Matt Hollingsworth on colors. His palette is mostly muted which works perfectly with the story and setting. The art is the star of this show.

The story is good. There's nothing ground-breaking, just a good, solid "Iron Fist vs. Hydra" tale. It's possible to write Hydra for laughs, not as easy as it is to do that with A.I.M., but the jokes tell themselves what with the pajamas and the Nazis and such. Ed Brubaker & Matt Fraction did not go that route. Their Hydra is full of scary, brainwashed badasses you don't want to end up on the wrong side of. Iron Fist's opponents in this story are drawn from every cool Hong Kong movie out there. It's even got twins who turn into cranes! That right there was worth the price of admission.

The Civil War storyline creeps its way into the title here and there but for the most part it stays in the background where it belongs.

Excellent art + good story + cool bad guys = This stays in my hold box.

Nextwave #2 - Marvel (2006)

I love Nextwave like an illegitimate child who showed up on my doorstep with a suitcase full of twenty-dollar bills and porn.

Nextwave is funny.

It is also a damn good action comic.

These things are to be expected from Warren Ellis and it's nice to see them coming together in this manner. Stuart Immonen isn't just drawing this thing he's designing it! His style for this book is sort of a Bruce-Timm-Meets-Jerry-Bruckheimer thing that works really well with the mescaline trip that is the storyline.

Wade von Grawbadger's inks are spot on and enhance the pencils beautifully. The colors by Dave McCalg are vivid and over the top just like everything else about this book. Also, I will take any opportunity to type the words "Grawbadger" and "McCalg".

I am having so much fun reading this. So is Mike Sterling. If two comics bloggers agree on something it's officially a movement, you know. Perhaps we should have chosen something more earth-shaking than "I'm really enjoying this comic". Eh, we'll do better next time.

If you missed the first issue you can still pick this one up and, thanks to the Primer on the first page, catch up on the story, such as it is. Really, all you need to know is that Nextwave (led by Monica Rambeau, aka Photon, aka Capt. Marvel) is fighting Fin Fang Foom.

Yeah, this guy:



Ellis and Immonen are really kicking ass on this book. If you're the type who takes comic continuity too seriously, stay away from this one. If you like to laugh at the many quirks of this hobby of ours, check it out. It's lowbrow, violent, irreverent and hilarious. Ellis has put three of my favorite characters from Marvel's history (Captain Marvel, Boom-Boom and Machine Man) on a team together blowing lots and lots of stuff up. Also, he takes a much-deserved stab at the "Scarlet Witch goes bonkers and kills, like, everyone" storyline and then uses it as the setup for a dick joke.

Genius!

It's like The Authority mixed with a frat party.

I will now refrain from using the term "high-octane" in this review.

Damn.

House of M #7 (of 8) - Marvel (2005)

I'm out of town this weekend so I'm short on time. Therefore, in the great tradition of Haiku Movie Reviews (and others) I present my review of the latest issue of Marvel's crossover alternate-reality comics-fun-a-palooza:

So many panels
Yet only one thing happens.
Um...the cover's nice.

Is There a Doctor in the House of Ideas (repost)

The Noetic Concordance staff is taking a much-needed vacation to Dragon*Con beginning tomorrow. I'll do my best to file some con reports but we're going to be in the Land With No Wireless Access for a couple of days. For now, we bring you this special, deluxe, encore presentation!

In the Marvel Universe every hero or villain with the title "Doctor" has an actual PhD. These guys had to do dissertations. Do you think Spiderman was ever subject to peer review? No, he just got bitten by a spider, slapped on a costume and then paraded around NYC like he owned the place. Sure, Luke Cage graduated from the School of Hard Knocks but he never had to teach a freshman chemistry class.

Here are just a few of the people who got their advanced degrees the Mighty Marvel way!

Dr. Octopus: Nuclear Physics
Dr. Druid: Psychiatry
Dr. Strange: Medicine (neurosurgeon)
Dr. Sun: Biology/Computer Science
Dr. Spectrum: Astronaut. The university which granted Joe Ledger's doctorate is in an alternate dimension. Don't get me started on the red tape involved in getting a copy of a transcript from Earth-S. Let's say physics for now.
Doc Samson: Psychiatry
Doctor Demonicus: Genetics

And the big daddy of them all:



My favorite Victor Von Doom factoid is that he was Reed Richards' roommate.

That must have been a non-stop party.

"Doom commands you to be absent from the room this evening, Richards."

"What? Have you got a hot date?"

"That is none of your concern. Your inferior intellect could not possibly conceive of the--"

"Save the histrionics, Victor. I've gotta study and all my books are here."

"Curse you, Richards. You will rue the day you crossed Doom."

"Blah, blah, blah, you said the same thing when I drank the last of your weird, imported beer."

"Latveria has the best beer in the world and that stuff is expensive to ship!


So, Doom gets horribly disfigured and blames his roommate. Forever.

Richards gets back at him by being more humble than Doom. "Oh, no, 'Dr. Fantastic' seems so haughty. Just call me Mister Fantastic."

OK, so being more humble than Doom isn't that hard but Reed could have gone with the "Doctor" monicker. I suppose he went for the more marketable superhero name.

Unlike, say, Dr. Lemuel Dorcas:




It's not really a surprise that this guy's supervillain career never took off.

Two more miniseries I'm giving up on.

Albion #2 - Wildstorm (2005)



The first issue of Albion showed promise. I liked the art a lot and I was intrigued by the two main characters. However, the big reveal at the end of the issue left me flat. I got the idea I was supposed to know who the figures were. OK, I recognized the Cyberman but the other two?

Albion #2 knocked down the good will that #1 had built up. The interactions between the two main characters became shrill and the number of references to things I didn't recognize increased dramatically. Also, the frequent cuts to the "Prison of fucked-up wankers" were frustrating. The worst thing about the second issue was the obtuseness of the storytelling. Grant Morrison's stuff is wacked-out and nonsensical but it holds together. Leah Moore and John Rippion are going in so many directions with this that I can't follow whatever threads may be there.

Maybe there'll be an annotated trade.

The covers by Dave Gibbons (see above) are very nice and George Freeman is a spectacular inker but they aren't enough to keep me coming back.


1602 New World - Marvel (2005)



I thought 1602, the first miniseries by Neil Gaiman was just OK.

This sequel makes its predecessor look like Death: The High Cost of Living. New World is a jumbled mess that made me stop caring about characters that Gaiman started off as sympathetic.

The Jiminez interview mentioned in my previous post helped explain the uneven quality of the Donna Troy miniseries. In a similar vein, I have run across a transcript of the meeting between Greg Pak, the writer and Greg Tocchini, the artist, where they came up with the first issue:

Pak: So, the Hulk's in the New World and there are dinosaurs. He's gonna fight 'em!

Tocchini: Right. Dinosaurs.

Pak: I mean a lot of dinosaurs.

Tocchini: Sure, man, I can do that.

Pak: I don't think you follow me. You're not grasping the magnitude of the dinosaurage we're gonna have in this issue. It's gonna be a fuckin' Where's Waldo of dinosaurs. I want herds of 'em in each panel.

Tocchini: Each panel? Even the ones where people are indoors.

Pak: Yes.

Tocchini: Well, all right. You're the writer.

Pak: I like dinosaurs!

Seriously, there are pages and pages of big lizards followed by more pages of lizards. I like dinosaurs but a man can only take so much.

There are a couple of neat moments in this book but not enough to offset the lack of pacing and interesting story. I'm not even going to check out the trade on this one.

Ultimate Marvel Team-Up #15 & #16 (2002)

It's Buy A Bunch of Discounted Crap week here at Noetic Concordance HQ!! This means I've bought some older comics and I'm going to go all Dave's Long Box on you and review some of the ones worth mention. I'll start with a couple of good ones:

One of the two Friendly Local Comic Shops I frequent has a whole other store for their 50-cent bins. I was over there the other day and I picked up Ultimate Marvel Team-Up issues 15 &16.

These issues are parts one and two of the Spider-Man/Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu team-up. Stephen Strange may be the Master of the Mystic Arts but Shang-Chi is the Master of the Whupass Arts! He knows all the fighting styles that ever there were because his father (a really evil guy) had him trained to be the ultimate fighting machine. So, this Shang-Chi is the Ultimate ultimate fighting machine which makes him even more badass.

The story is simple and well-told by Brian Bendis. Bendis, as I have mentioned before, groks Peter Parker so his reactions to Shang-Chi are spot on and funny.

Artistically this story is an all-star jam session! The covers (see above for #15) were done by David Mack. The shining star, though, is Andy Lee who does these gorgeous brush-art interludes throughout the panels. They enhance the story and give it an exotic quality that really "brings the room together" as The Dude would put it.

The main interior art by Rick Mays and Jason Martin is good, especially in the action scenes, which for a tale about ass kickin' is vital. However, I wish that the numerous Asians and Asian-Americans in it had looked more, um, Asian.

Spider-Man and Shang-chi don't fight each other upon meeting which is a refreshing change. In fact, Shang-Chi doesn't really need Spidey's help at all. Webhead's appearance for the climactic altercation just helps the Master of Kung Fu get done faster than he would have normally. The action movie that follows Shang-Chi around is really cool and this Ultimate version of him is a welcome addition. I hope he shows up elsewhere in the Ultimate Universe.

If you can find these issues in your local funny-book emporium or at a con pick them up. They are completely self-contained within the two issues and are the best buck I've spent in a long time. You can also get them as part of the trade-paperback collection Ultimate Marvel Team-Up Vol. 3.

New Avengers #7 - Marvel (2005)

This title started off strong. It had consistent, interesting characterizations, good art, funny one-liners and exciting action. New Avengers #7 has none of these things. Or, more accurately, not enough of them. It's like a sequel to a wildly successful movie. The studio tells the director, "Do all that stuff you did in the first movie! That was awesome!" and then the director can't capture the lightning again.

First off, the cover: Luke Cage appears in this issue. Unnamed ninja haXXor on the far right of the cover does not. This is obviously another case of THE MAN tryin' to keep a brother down. Oh, sure, a black man can get his ass kicked all over a comic book (see below) but he's not gonna get his picture up where it belongs. I guess if he had a rack like Spider-Woman's, there, he'd be front and center. Also, the ostensible title character of this story arc, The Sentry, is shoved way over to the left. hmph!

Bendis is usually good at cute dialogue. His characters often say quirky, self-aware things that neatly sum themselves up. In this issue, he comes off as trying too hard. For example, there's a meeting of the (not so) Secret Masters of the Marvel Universe: Dr. Strange, Reed Richards, Charles Xavier, Black Bolt (or "Blackus Boltus" or whatever his real, lame name is), Namor and Tony Stark. This scene (in which the art is atrocious) exists solely for Bendis to get these characters to interact with each other in their own typical fashions.

It doesn't work.

These are all strong, well-known personalities and Bendis falls back on the stereotypes. Unfortunately, he doesn't even use the stereotypes well. There is one almost-funny moment with Reed Richards during this scene but the placement of the panels on those two pages wrecks the pacing.

Speaking of wrecking, The Wrecker shows up in this issue and engages most of the New Avengers in the most boring fight scene ever. I'll sum it up for you:

Wrecker: I have the power of a GOD!

The New Avengers: Shut up! You're stupid! New Avengers, New Assemble!!

Wrecker: #@%$ you! I #@%$ed up the #@%$ing Avengers and #@%$ed up #@%$ing Thor personally! #@%$, #@%$, #@%$!!!!!!!

The New Avengers: Ooof! Argh! All this getting thrown around a subdivision sure does make us angry!

Wrecker: Don't you know who I am? Respect my crowbar!

The New Avengers: Oof! Argh!

Lather, rinse, repeat.

So this Al Cowlings of the supervillain set gets his magic crowbar* back and spends seven pages knocking each of the New Avengers several blocks away one at a time. He gets to do this because the assembled superheroes come at him like extras in an old kung-fu movie instead of using anything resembling tactics. Not to get all comics geek on this but Luke Cage, Wolverine, Spider-Man and Spider-Woman have all fought in teams before and each of them has years of super-powered combat experience. They know the power of tactics and they have been portrayed in earlier issues of this very comic as able and willing to effectively team up on someone. They played this one stupid because Bendis didn't want the fight to be over yet. The worst part is that The Wrecker defeats the heroes by using the same damn move over and over.

After the crappy fight (with more bad art, by the way) we get four pages of "Oooo, isn't this thing with The Sentry mysterious?" which could have been done in one or two. The last two panels of this issue are straight out of the Bad Star Trek Episode Playbook.

Neither of the attempted cliffhangers makes me want to pick up the next issue. Maybe I won't.

*"Magic Crowbar" Insert euphemism here.

Ultimates 2 #6

This issue is good for what it is and I'll actually review it on those terms later. However, I have to gripe for a bit about how disappointed I was that Millar didn't do something cool with the Defenders. I mean, this is the Ultimate universe. These are the freakin' Defenders.

I know the regular-continuity Defenders had more than their share of goofy moments (Cloud, anyone?) but they have always been one of my favorite teams. Mostly because they were a non-team. They didn't like each other very much but they came together when Big Bad Things were happening. I also liked them because they were the weirdest collection of heroes possible. It's like the Marvel editors drew a bunch of names out of a hat and turned the comic into some extended writing exercise.

The heroes who make up the Ultimate Defenders are also a weird bunch. Their introduction makes it look like they're gonna have really kewl powerz and interesting personalities. Instead we get a bunch of losers who are miserable failures at actually being superheroes. It's a funny concept but Great Lakes Avengers is doing it better.

Millar did the same ball-dropping maneuver when he introduced Captains Italy and Spain in issue #4. I thought "Neat! I wonder what these guys can do." I never found out. We might see the other captains later in the series but I really like to get some hint of what new characters can do before the end of their intro issue. Failing that, I'd like to see it eventually. Gradual information release can be done well. Young Avengers is doing a good job of slowly revealing things about the main characters. I end each issue of that title interested in what's going to happen next. I keep ending issues of Ultimates 2 frustrated. Even the cliffhanger and the near revelation of one of the series' big secrets at the end of #6 didn't pique my interest as it should have.

OK, I griped a lot. Ahem.

As I said above, this issue, unlike its immediate predecessor, accomplishes what it sets out to do. It manages to tell a little more of Henry Pym's story and it tells the tale of the aforementioned losers in a funny way. There are a few well-done nods to the original continuity and a Scarlet Witch joke I'm still laughing about.

The art is excellent and the cover is my favorite one on any comic so far this year. I doubt I'll pick up #7 but that's what I said about #6. Ultimates 2 keeps not sucking just enough to keep me coming back.

Ultimates 2 #5

Here's another one recycled from my LiveJournal. It's slightly out of date but I'm moving it here because it mentions an upcoming issue of Ultimates 2 that I'll review when it comes out.

I didn't like Ultimates 2 #5 very much.

A while back I talked about Ultimates 2 #4 and how I liked it. #4 set up a big conflict between the Ultimates and Thor. Mark Millar wastes no opportunity to mention that Thor is the most powerful superhero on Earth and issue #4 ends with Captain America (sorry, Ultimate Captain America) pointing at Ultimate Thor and telling him he's going down.

"Ooh," I thought. "This is gonna be a good fight."

I thought this because Millar has written some good fight scenes in the past and Bryan Hitch and Paul Neary worked on The Authority which was pretty much one big fight scene and they did it really well. #5 disappointed me because the story was just OK (yes, I still want a good story with my big fights, sue me) and the art was confusing.

Some artists don't do action well. Hitch and Neary have shown that they are very good at action. However, I couldn't figure out what was going on in several of the panels. Clarity is important when you're drawing a fight scene. There's not much dialogue so the reader needs to see what's happening. When three-quarters (or more) of the issue consists of a fight scene, clarity is essential.

There was a good part at the end where it's still not clear whether Thor is THOR or if he's just some deranged guy with stolen supertech. That was handled very well.

I was all set to stop buying Ultimates 2 anymore but then I saw the cover of #6.

Sigh.

Cheesecake aside, this is the Defenders. The Ultimate Defenders! They have always been one of my favorite teams and I'm looking forward to what Millar does with them. So, I'll pick up #6. We'll see.

And, um, if the writing is substandard there's still the cheesecake.

Is there a Doctor in the House of Ideas?

In the Marvel Universe every hero or villain with the title "Doctor" has an actual Ph.D. These guys had to do dissertations. Do you think Spiderman was ever subject to peer review? No, he just got bitten by a spider, slapped on a costume and then paraded around NYC like he owned the place. Sure, Luke Cage graduated from the School of Hard Knocks but he never had to teach a freshman chemistry class.

Here are just a few of the people who got their advanced degrees the Mighty Marvel way!

Dr. Octopus: Nuclear Physics
Dr. Druid: Psychiatry
Dr. Strange: Medicine (neurosurgeon)
Dr. Sun: Biology/Computer Science
Dr. Spectrum: Astronaut. The university which granted Joe Ledger's doctorate is in an alternate dimension. Don't get me started on the red tape involved in getting a copy of a transcript from Earth-S. Let's say physics for now.
Doc Samson: Psychiatry
Doctor Demonicus: Genetics

And the big daddy of them all:

My favorite Victor Von Doom factoid is that he was Reed Richards' roommate.

That must have been a non-stop party.

"Doom commands you to be absent from the room this evening, Richards."

"What? Have you got a hot date?"

"That is none of your concern. Your inferior intellect could not possibly conceive of the--"

"Save the histrionics, Victor. I've gotta study and all my books are here."

"Curse you, Richards. You will rue the day you crossed Doom."

"Blah, blah, blah, you said the same thing when I drank the last of your weird, imported beer."

"Latveria has the best beer in the world and that stuff is expensive to ship!


So, Doom gets horribly disfigured and blames his roommate. Forever.

Richards gets back at him by being more humble than Doom. "Oh, no, 'Dr. Fantastic' seems so haughty. Just call me Mister Fantastic."

OK, so being more humble than Doom isn't that hard but Reed could have gone with the "Doctor" monicker. I suppose he went for the more marketable superhero name.

Unlike, say, Dr. Lemuel Dorcas:




It's not really a surprise that this guy's supervillain career never took off.